Dear Friends,

Happy Fourth of July! On this day when we celebrates God’s wonderful blessings on this country, we should be asking, “What can I do to see that my country continues to be blessed?” On answer is to provide stable homes in which to raise godly children. Today’s devotional is the notes I used for yesterday’s adult Sunday school class in the church of which I am a member on the subject marriage, divorce, and remarriage. While the emphasis was to be on divorce and how to avoid it, I included material I hope will help you build a solid home. God bless you.

Because of Calvary,
John Janney
Grace Bible Fellowship Church
Adult SS Elective: Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage
July 3, 2016

The Foundation of Our Discussion
I.                    The Bible is authoritative.
II.                 The Bible is sufficient.

(II Peter 1:19-21; Hebrews 1:1-3; John 16:12-15; II Timothy 3:16-17; Revelation 22:18-19)

For further study: Kevin DeYoung, Taking God At His Word: Why the Bible is Knowable, Necessary, and Enough, and What That Means for You and Me, (Wheaton, IL: Crossway 2014)

Marriage, divorce, and remarriage before the fall: what God intended
Genesis 2:18-24
“Having shown the man that no animal would do for his helper, God made another human from man’s own flesh and bone to be like him — and yet very unlike him. He did not create another male. He created a female. And Adam recognized in her the perfect counterpart to himself…. By creating a person like Adam yet very unlike Adam, God provided the possibility of a profound unity that otherwise would have been impossible. There is a different kind of unity enjoyed by the joining of diverse counterparts than is enjoyed by joining two things just alike. When we all sing the same melody line it is called unison, which means ‘one sound.’ But when we unite diverse lines of soprano and alto and tenor and bass, we call it harmony; and everyone who has an ear to hear knows that something deeper in us is touched by great harmony than by mere unison. So God made a woman and not another man. He created heterosexuality, not homosexuality.
[John Piper, Desiring God: Meditations of a Christian Hedonist, (Sisters, OR: Multnomah Press, 2003), p. 211]

“At its very heart, marriage is not a human custom, variable according to changing times; it is a divinely created institution, defined for all ages and all cultures in our shared, primeval, perfect existence.”
[Raymond C. Ortlund, Jr., “Male-Female Equality and Male Headship: Genesis 1-3,” Recovering Biblical Manhood & Womanhood: A Response to Evangelical Feminism edited by John Piper and Wayne Grudem, (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, 1991), p. 101]

“…The woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.”
[Matthew Henry’s Commentary I, (Peabody, MA: Hendriksen Publishers, n.d.), p. 16]

Verse 24 is “the most concise and comprehensive counseling session ever presented on marriage…. Any real problem you face in marriage will come from ignoring some aspect of God’s Genesis commandment.”
[Ed Wheat, Love Life for Every Married Couple, (Grand Rapids: Zondervan Publishing House, 1980), p. 27]

Marriage, divorce, and remarriage since the fall: what we have now

“One out of three marriages ends in the divorce court. Only one marriage in six is happy.”
[W. Haddon Robinson, Biblical Preaching: The Development and Delivery of Expository Messages, (Grand Rapids: Baker Book House, 1980), p. 160]

“Since the beginning of the century, the divorce rate has increased 700 percent…. To that number we must add those families that are shattered because one partner has abandoned the relationship, and those others that are legally united but emotionally at war.”
[Gary Inrig, Quality Friendship: The Risks and Rewards, (Chicago: Moody Press, 1981), p. 29]

“Harvard University performed a study on divorce and discovered the following: the national divorce rate is 1 in 3. The average for people who were married in a church ceremony is 1 in 50. For those couples who were married in a Christian wedding ceremony, attend church weekly, read the Bible and pray together, the divorce rate average is 1 in 1,105. Christianity can truly divorce-proof your marriage!” [“The Foundation for a Strong Family,” Rick Warren, The Encouraging Word, 1992 in McHenry’s Quips, Quotes & Other Notes compiled by Raymond McHenry, (Peabody, MA: Hendrickson Publishers, 1998) p. 274]

Deuteronomy 24:1-4
“The verses do not institute divorce, but treat it as a practice already known…”
[Peter C. Craigie, The Book of Deuteronomy,” The New International Commentary on the Old Testament, (Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1976), p. 305]

“The RSV is correct in regarding verses 1-4 as one sentence, with verses 1-3 the condition and verse 4 the conclusion…. What was mandatory was not divorce, but (if divorce was resorted to) a legal process which included these elements: (a) A serious cause for the divorce. The exact import of the words some uncleanness (v. 1; cf. 23:14) is uncertain. Adultery is not meant, for the law prescribed the death penalty for that (22:13ff.; Lev. 20:10; cf. Num. 5:11ff.). (b) A writ of separation to be placed in the woman’s hand for her subsequent protection. The preparation of this legal instrument implies the involvement of (c) a public official who might also have to judge of the adequacy of the alleged grounds of divorce (d) A formal dismissal. Her former husband which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife (v. 4). The main point of the law is stated here in its conclusion.”
[Meredith G. Kline, Treaty of the Great King: The Covenant Structure of Deuteronomy: Studies and Commentary, (Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1963), p. 114-115]

“…The concern of the passage is not to recommend divorce in certain situations…but to decree that if such a step is taken it must be irrevocable. It thereby protected a wife against being virtually lent to another man, and it discouraged hasty action.” [Derek Kidner, “Leviticus-Deuteronomy,” Scripture Union Bible Study Books, (Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1971), p. 81]

Matthew 19:3-9; 5:31-32
“What does God require when you no longer love the one you married?”
[Bryan Chapell, Christ-Centered Preaching: Redeeming the Expository Sermon, (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 1994), p. 137]

“Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him…by asking him if the law allowed a man to divorce his wife for whatever reason he wishes. The Pharisees permitted divorce but differed on the appropriate terms. Deuteronomy 24:1 speaks of a man divorcing his wife ‘because he finds something indecent about her.’ The school of Shammai held this to be immorality on the part of the wife. The school of Hillel interpreted it to be anything at all that proved to be displeasing to the husband. Rabbi Akiba (early second century) went so far as to say that if a man met another woman more pleasing than his wife this was tantamount to finding ‘something indecent’ in her and was an acceptable reason for divorce. God’s declaration ‘I hate divorce’ (Mal. 2:16) had conveniently been ignored by the more liberal school of thought.”
[Robert H. Mounce, “Matthew: A Good News Commentary,” (San Francisco: Harper & Row Publishers, 1985), p. 183]

Jesus “took them straight back to the Maker’s instructions, in Genesis 1:27, 2:24, and he made six strong points about marriage.
“First, it is designed by God….
“Second, marriage was meant to be complementary: ‘he made them male and female.’…
“Third, marriage was intended to be permanent: ‘the two shall become one flesh’…. Incidentally the very physical words used to describe the union, ‘one flesh’ and ‘joined’ (literally ‘glued’) affirm the goodness of sexuality, one of God’s most gracious gifts to his people…
“Fourth, marriage is exclusive. The man is joined to his wife. He becomes one flesh with her. No way is he permitted to have a little flutter on the side, any more than she is. Both are pledged to find their fulfillment in the other, and so discover on earth a model, however inadequate, of the permanent relationship between God and the believer which nothing can break.
“Fifth, marriage is nuclear. It means ‘leaving’ as well as ‘cleaving’ (v. 5)….
“Sixth, marriage is not for everyone. This is the plain meaning of verses 10-12.”
[Michael Green, Matthew For Today, (Dallas: Word Publishing, 1988), p. 181-182]

“In this light, divorce is not only unnatural ― against the structure of humanity as God made it ― but gross rebellion against God Himself.” [D. A. Carson, God With Us: Themes from Matthew, (Ventura, CA: Regal Books, 1985), p. 117]

“Jesus maintains (v. 9) that a divorcing husband who ‘leaves’ his wife and ‘cleaves’ to a second woman (Gen. 2:24) commits adultery against his first wife. The lone exception, and the only lawful reason for terminating a marriage, is porneia ― a Greek term embracing adultery, homosexuality, and bestiality.”
[J Knox Chamblin, “Matthew,” Evangelical Commentary on the Bible edited by Walter A, Elwell, (Grand Rapids: Baker Book House, 1989), p. 745]

“It does not matter how difficult it may be, it does not matter what the stress or the strain, or whatever can be said about the incompatibility of temperament. Nothing is to dissolve this indissoluble bond save this one thing. But I emphasize again that this one thing does. Our Lord Himself says that this is a cause and a legitimate one for divorce.”
[D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones, Studies in the Sermon on the Mount I, (Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1959), p. 260]

“The sexual revolution and women’s rights movement of the 1960s shifted American view of marriage from happiness achieved through duty and sacrifice to an ephemeral individual happiness and ‘fulfillment.’ In 1969, California passed the nation’s first no-fault divorce law, allowing one spouse to dissolve a marriage for any reason and gutting marriage of its legal power. No-fault laws quickly swept the nation: by 1989, the divorce rate had more than doubled, spawning what many call the ‘divorce revolution.’”
[Mary Jackson, “Sins of Their Fathers & Mothers,” World Magazine, (June 11, 2016), p. 50]

“The pursuit of a ‘new, improved’ spouse is usually an escapist fantasy.”
[Chris Thurman, The Lies We Believe: The #1 Cause of Our Unhappiness, (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1989), p. 93]

“A 1998 study in Minnesota found that the majority of those who have gone through a divorce wish they had tried harder to work through their differences. This study, by the nonprofit Minnesota Family Institute, discovered 66 percent of those divorced look back with regret that they didn’t give their marriage a better effort.”
[Houston Chronicle, Jan. 12, 2000, p. 9D in McHenry’s Stories for the Soul compiled by Raymond McHenry, (Peabody, MA: Hendrickson Publishers, 2001), p. 80]

I Corinthians 7:10-16
“These are not a counselor’s suggestions, but the Lord’s commands.”
[John F. MacArthur, Jr., “1 Corinthians,” The MacArthur New Testament Commentary, (Chicago: Moody Press, 1984) p. 165]

“Paul deals next with the problem of those who became Christians after their marriage and now had a heathen partner…”
[Geoffrey B. Wilson, 1 Corinthians, (Edinburgh: The Banner of Truth Trust, 1978), p. 103]

“Some of the members of the Corinthian church were saved after they had been married, but their mates had not yet been converted. No doubt, some of these believers were having a difficult time at home; and they asked Paul, ‘Must we remain married to unsaved partners? Doesn’t our conversion alter things?’
“Paul replied that they were to remain with their unconverted mates so long as their mates were willing to live with them…. If a person becomes a Christian after marriage, he should not use that as an excuse to break up the marriage just to avoid problems.”
[Warren W. Wiersbe, The Bible Exposition Commentary V, (Colorado Springs, CO: Victor, 2001), p. 591]

“It is noteworthy that though Paul carefully distinguishes between his own words and those of the Lord he regards both as equally authoritative
[cf. v. 10 with v. 17].” [Wilson, p. 104]

“…The power of separation is to rest with the unbelieving and not with the believing, partner.”
[Marcus Dods, “The First Epistle to the Corinthians,” The Expositor’s Bible V, edited by W. Robertson Nicoll, (Hartford, CT: The S. S. Scranton Company, 1908), p. 665]

“…If the unbeliever consent to remain, the believer is bound; if the unbeliever will not consent, the believer is not bound. In the one case the marriage contract binds him; in the other case it does not bind him.”
[Charles Hodge, A Commentary on 1 & 2 Corinthians, (London: The Banner of Truth Trust, 1857, 1859), p. 118]

“This latter clause cannot simply means that they are free to be deserted, but must mean that they are free to be remarried.”
[J. S. Wright and J. A. Thompson, “Marriage,” New Bible Dictionary second edition, edited by J. D. Douglas, F. F. Bruce, J. I. Packer, H. Hillyer, D. Guthrie, A. R. Millard, D. J. Wiseman, (Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, 1962), p. 746]

“…Becoming a Christian is never grounds for divorce.”
[Kenneth L. Chafin, “1, 2 Corinthians,” The Communicator’s Commentary edited by Lloyd J. Ogilvie, (Waco, TX: Word Books, Publisher, 1985), p. 93]

Ephesians 5:22-33
“There is no more lovely, friendly, and charming relationship, communion, or company than a good marriage.”
[Martin Luther, Table Talk [1569], 292 in Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations 15th edition edited by Emily Morison Beck, (Boston: Little, Brown and Company, 1980) p.156:7]

Elizabeth of Hungary (1207-1231) and Ludwig of Thuringia, a region of southern Germany that three centuries later produced Martin Luther, were married and “loved one another with passion and child-hearted glee, and they were ardent friends.”
[Elliott Wright, Holy Company, (New York: Macmillan Publishing Company, Inc., 1980), p. 146]

“Why do marriages fall apart?   We normally think it’s because one of the partners has committed adultery or something of that magnitude, but according to Paul Amato and Alan Booth in A Generation at Risk, ‘more than 60 percent of marriages break apart because of creeping loneliness and boredom, or tiny unresolved resentments that coalesce into percolating volcanoes.’…  Marriage that works is also hard work.” [James Rudy Gray, “Marriage That Works Is Work,” Pulpit Helps, (November 2002), p. 12]

“A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers.”
[Ruth Bell Graham in Reader’s Digest, (May 2009), p. 184]

“Believe me, there is nothing worse in life than a bad marriage! Nothing lonelier than that.”
[Olivia de Havilland in Dotson Rader, “Rewards and Regrets,” Parade, (September 7, 1986), p. 4]

“Love is not effortless. To the contrary, love is effortful…. The desire to love is not itself love. Love is as love does. Love is an act of the will…” [M. Scott Peck, M.D., The Road Less Traveled, (New York: Simon and Schuster, 1978), p. 83]

“Even if marriages are made in heaven, humans have to be responsible for their maintenance.”
[Illustrations for Biblical Preaching edited by Michael P. Green, (Grand Rapids: Baker Book House, 1989), p. 231]

“Husbands, if you treat your wife like a thoroughbred, chances are good you won’t end up with a nag. Wives, if you treat your husband like a champ, chances are even better that you won’t end up with a chump.” [Zig Ziglar in Inspiration from the Top, (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2012),  p. 86]

“…If being loved is your goal, you will fail to achieve it. The only way to be assured of being loved is to be a person worthy of love, and you cannot be a person worthy of love when your primary goal in live is to passively be loved.” [Peck, The Road Less Traveled, p. 102]

“Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.”
[Joseph Barth in Reader’s Digest, (May 2009), p. 184]

“The kindest and the happiest pair
Will find occasion to forbear,
And something every day they live
To pity, and perhaps forgive.”
[William Cowper in Every Day Quotations edited by Jack Maguire, (Garden City, NY: Doubleday Direct, Inc., 1998), p. 173]

“When there is strife, it is like the jostling of two persons in a boat, which may overset it. Husband and wife should go hand in hand to the throne of grace, and join together in every good thing; they should agree together in the worship of God, and promoting the good of their children. When the will of the wife and the will of the husband fall in, like the tenon and the mortise, the building goes on; but when one draws one way, and another the other, like untamed heifers in the yoke, all cometh to ruin.”
[The Complete Works of Thomas Manton XIV, (London: James Nisbet & Co., 1871), p. 421]

“Constant fault-finding, constant correction and studied contempt before strangers, total want of sympathy and encouragement, gloomy looks, rough remarks, all blame and never a word of praise, things like these between man and wife will kill as silently and as surely as poison or suffocation.”
[Alexander Whyte, Bunyan Characters II, (Edinburgh: Oliphant Anderson and Ferrier, 1894, p. 261]

“Many marriages could be saved by the simple realization that a spouse will never be perfect.”
[Johann Arnold, Why Forgive? Farmington, PA: The Plough Publishing House, 2000), p. 93]

“Love is not a feeling…. The person who truly loves….has made a commitment to be loving whether or not the loving feeling is present. If it is, so much the better, but if it isn’t, the commitment to love, the will to love, still stands and is still exercised.””
[Peck, The Road Less Traveled, p. 116, 119]

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
[Mignon McLaughlin in Reader’s Digest, (May 2009), p. 184]

“To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.”
[Selected Poetry of Ogden Nash, (New York: Black Dog & Leventhal Publishers, 1995), p. 10]

“Although the corruption of man be such as is apt to study arguments, unduly to put asunder those whom God hath joined together in marriage; yet nothing but adultery, or such willful desertion as can no way be remedied by the church or civil magistrate, is cause sufficient of dissolving the bond of marriage; wherein a public and orderly course of proceeding is to be observed, and the persons concerned in it not left to their own wills and discretion in their own case.”
[The Westminster Confession of Faith, chapter XXIV, section VI.]

“It is now forty-six years since my parents divorced. The process of adjustment to the consequence of divorce has lasted for all those forty-six years and is likely to continue for the rest of my life….
“What does it mean to be an adult child of divorce? It means that your life has been struck by a major traumatic event (or, rather, a series of events) that has shaken your security, disrupted your social and psychological development, and left you with challenges and demands for adjustment that other children have not had to face. It probably also means that your faith and belief in God was constantly challenged…. Divorce is often preceded by many years of intense hostility that creates conflict in the hearts and minds of children… And this conflict often continues just as intensely after a divorce, with battles over custody rights and financial support. Every study I have reviewed about the damaging effects of divorce has show that the years following divorce can be just as destructive as those that preceded it.” [Archibald D. Hart, Healing Adult Children of Divorce: Taking Care of Unfinished Business So You Can Be Whole Again, (Ann Arbor, MI: Servant Publications, 1991), p. 11-12]

“Divorce is not a one-time crisis, but an ongoing trauma. Its disastrous consequences can reverberate for years.”
[Hart, Healing Adult Children of Divorce, p. 199]

For further study: Jay Adams, Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible, (Grand Rapids: Zondervan Publishing House, (1980); John Murray, Divorce, (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing Company, 1953); Judith S. Wallerstein, Julia M. Lewis, Sandra Blakeslee, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25 Year Landmark Study, (New York: Hyperion, 2000); Elizabeth Marquardt; Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce, New York: Crown Publishers, 2005]